My Five Year Ramble....finally!!!
From Counsellina on 10/20/2007 9:13:37 AM

Here I sit in the early hours of the morning some 33 days after celebrating my 5 year anniversary. What to write...I am not sure at this very moment in time but I feel I must write. It is time. How very odd that when I attempted to compose my 5 year ramble on the day of my 5 year anniversary, I did so with an inner struggle and it somehow disappeared from the face of my computer after typing it’s very last word. My message was not meant to be “heard” at the time. Of this I am certain.

This past 5 years has been an incredibly fascinating passage of time for me. So many lessons learned. So much pain and so much euphoria. Indeed my soul has taken on a new dimension and I have moved forward. We dance as we grow. We sway to the music and we dip. Our hearts merge and meld as do two lovers who embrace as they dance to the mysterious tempo of “their” song.

Just minutes ago, I read the words of another that touched me. Truly touched me. I feel inspired to write. I feel inspired to “feel”. I feel inspired to share.

Yes, 5 years ago I made the decision to forever change my life. I dared to risk. I put it all on the line. I gave up something in my life that I cherished....treasured in fact. I gave up smoking. Cigarettes gave me comfort. I felt at one as the wisps of smoke were drawn deeply into my lungs and exhaled through my lips. The curls of drifting smoke were soothing....and yet, I knew they were killing me.

Sometimes in life, we must painfully “let go”.

Endings hurt but they lead to new beginnings; beginnings that radiate hope. To hope is to live fully. It’s spark ignites the soul and so I continue to hope.

I am forever changed.

5 years ago I chose life over death. Not only has this been a physical transition but a spiritual one. I’m not certain of it`s depth and breadth, but of this I am sure. The “energy” we exude and embrace when choosing what is right for us as individuals is enormously empowering. It is then that we are true to ourselves. I chose to stop smoking. I chose to eliminate that from my life which was slowly destroying me. I think back to the time of my divorce....a time of much pain and grief. Never in my life have I had to make a decision that was so painful and yet I needed to do this for my soul. I now find peace in what used to be piercing pain. Our lives are so fragile; they are precious and to be revered.

5 years ago I entered a new realm of possibility and self. Quitnet has been the centrifugal force in this newly found space and reality. It has been pivotal in it’s purpose and for that I am eternally grateful. I have learned to truly embrace my heart. Do you have any idea how utterly liberating that is? I have learned to love and to mourn with all that is me....every atom, every fibre of my being. I have given it all and I have been robbed...and yet, in it all serves a greater purpose. I have grown....and it is good.

5 years ago I began a journey of meeting so many wonderful people. I am truly blessed. I have made friends that are forever dear to me. I have loved and lost. I have dared to be me.

I sit here crying as I “feel” and remember the pain and the glory of life.

On Christmas day of 2003, I lost a very dear friend. He was 43 years old. He died of smoking related causes. What a tragedy. Pat was not the Q’s most popular individual and yet I found a “magic” in my friend. When we look, we discover. In him I found something special, below the exterior and below what many thought they saw in him. He was my friend and I cared.

We need to start “looking” within. It is only then that we prosper in the truest sense of the word. Please give yourselves the gift of seeking. Look within yourselves and explore the wonderful mysteries that reign supreme.

Look within your friends and find all that is good in them. In doing this, you will empower yourselves....you will find in them the very essence of who you are. This is true.

I ramble on with no direction but needing to share that which I have learned in life. We are here for a purpose. It feels right for me to share my heart, the essence of who I am and my lessons learned. It somehow simply feels “right”. Our lessons will be unique. No two people are the same and it is this uniqueness that is to be celebrated.

I am so pleased to have discovered Maureen...not in total as of yet, but I have started this very important journey. The sheer terror of daring to `see` somehow is liberating. Those of you who embark on this same journey, will `get it`.

5 years of not smoking. Just LOOK what it has unleashed! I am a brand new woman and I look forward to many more years of continued discovery. I look forward to many more years of not smoking. I look forward to the “magic” that awaits us all.

My ramble is now complete and it feels right.

I wish for each of you all of life`s brilliance.

Maureen